Pocket blog. It would be a revolutionary product... at least for those of us who choose to process our thoughts publicly on the internet rather than just think about them in our heads. I wouldn't make millions with it. I wish I could say that I had invented this rather extraordinary object so that my blogging wouldn't be limited to just when I have extra time in PSEO or when I don't have any homework. Unfortunately, I have not invented this.
Actually, I haven't invented anything except for lots of ways to keep myself busy.
I think I may have mentioned this about 60 times before, but I have a slight tendency to overthink. My brain is like a broken microwave. You put your leftover pasta in there, set the cook time so that it'll be nice and hot, but not fried, but then when the timer goes off and you try to open the door, you discover that the microwave has gone all biserk on you and won't stop cooking the poor pasta and the door is locked.
That poor pasta represents all of the things that I obsess over. I was going to say my "problems", but they don't really qualify as problems, they're just things I think too much about.
I was pondering this today. Because I thought I had something that I was thinking about all weekend figured out. I'd thought it through until the thought wasn't appetizing anymore and figured out how to organize it in my brain. Then I put it on the shelf, thinking that I had taken care of it.
Nope.
Not taken care of, because now that I've gotten the previous issue taken care of, another twist has been put in it. It's like I was cooking my pasta... and it was almost done, but then someone stuck frozen broccoli in there and now we're not done cooking yet! So now I know that I'll be thinking about this for some time. Why? It's such a waste of my precious thoughts!
I think that the reason God throws kinks into my plans and such is so that I don't start thinking I can do this thing without Him. Because I get a little too self-sufficient when I can organize and shelve all the things that bother me in my head. Then I start thinking, doing good, Ashley, doing good. and that's not right at all! I am completely dependent on God to make sense of my life in every respect.
There are plenty of other things I could be thinking about:
- the fun weekend we just had, including being presented as royalty at the homecoming games, having my aunt come visit, bagging groceries at Cub, the best semi of my high school career so far, a fun super bowl party where I won a gift card to a coffee place for guessing the end score correctly...
- how much Jesus loves me. He loves abundantly. It's not like how people love you just a little bit or they love you when you're acting a certain way, or when you appease them or just when they're having fun with you or if you have time for them... nope, Jesus is constantly looking our for our needs and wants and cares. He brings the calm when we're anxious. He quiets our thoughts when we get carried away. (heehee... hee... hee... guilty!)
- I could be cogitating about how I could spend my evening since my babysitting will be ending a little earlier than expected.
- or I could be planning ways for my sister and I to boycott Valentine's Day when she gets home. I'm looking forward to that one. :)
But instead I've been focusing my thoughts on this one thing... It's out of my range of control. I can't influence the situation much, and the little I can do won't change the situation. It's just silly.
I guess I'll sit here and ponder how to invent pocket blog.
hmmm...
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